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AIM: Ragnarokia@hotmail.c o.uk

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Entry #7

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I feel like it is ok to say now.

Posted by Ragnarokia May. 5, 2008 @ 11:32 AM EDT

After troubling over what to put I think that it could not possibly be as bad as how I was treated in real life, so I feel like I should say it for myself and others really. Over the time I have been posting here if anyone follows my posting you may have seen changes in me, over the last few months from around the start of the year I have had changes that have been caused by many things and after a long period of uncertainty I have eventually found and have made myself ok with my sexuality. The truth is that I am gay. I still do not see why it happened due to being brought up against it and everything, but now rather than hating myself for it I am acceptant. I am not a kind of overplaying gay person, but instead I am very quiet and, well the opposite really. I am an emotional wreck as may have been picked up by my previous news post and people who know me are ok with this. I hope you don't see a reason to hate me for any of this.

Updated: 09/17/08 3:45 PM Log in to comment! | Share this!

The People Have Spoken

59 Comments

May. 5, 2008 | 11:41 AM Eddie says:

Yeah, well, there are probably a lot of gay or bisexual users just afraid to admit it.

May. 5, 2008 | 11:46 AM Ragnarokia responds:

With the way I was treated when I came out in real life there is no question why. I think it is due to the difference as people are born with fear of difference, we all do and most people have not come across it andf do not know how to react. But those that react negativly and then the ones that are plain abusive against it are the ones that ruined it for me. Hopefully on here people are generally more acceptant. The ones that I talk to are.

May. 5, 2008 | 2:01 PM Racoonmario says:

Hey, that´s totally ok with me. I´m not quite sure about myself either. I think I´m bisexual, just like Eddie said.
I´d ask you to make out now but...

May. 5, 2008 | 2:30 PM Ragnarokia responds:

It is good to know that people who have noticed me post before are still ok then. It is true like people said that people are more acceptant on-line.

May. 5, 2008 | 4:51 PM Sense-Offender says:

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. I believe people are born that way. If somebody gives you a hard time about it, just know that they're probably very stupid and shouldn't go outside without wearing a helmet.

May. 5, 2008 | 5:09 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Yes thank you, many people have been against this aspect of me and see it as a joke or something without realising about my feelings, but they should stop sooner or later when they eventually mature.

May. 5, 2008 | 4:54 PM uhnoesanoob says:

Good for you, gotta be true to yourself(Though that yaoi pic is not needed>_<)

May. 5, 2008 | 5:11 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Thank you, I like the look of Yaoi and this image is very nice so I decided to use it, I have been doing so for the last posts as well.

May. 5, 2008 | 5:03 PM Eggys says:

Damn, girls really don't use the Internet.

May. 5, 2008 | 5:16 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Did you think I was female?

May. 5, 2008 | 5:45 PM Eggys says:

First i thought you were just joking with the yaoi. Then you said you are female once on the forums. Now you say you're gay.

I can't be sure what you are.

May. 5, 2008 | 5:58 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Sorry, I have liked the look of Yaoi since I was first shown it. For the female thing, I say I am female sometimes as a joke the same way I say I am 12 or 9 years old. This is actually the truth now just so that you know.

May. 5, 2008 | 5:59 PM Eggys says:

Yeah cool, let's be friends :)

May. 5, 2008 | 6:10 PM Ragnarokia responds:

ok, you could add me to MSN if you wanted but I am quiet and I also have some problems at the moment.

May. 5, 2008 | 6:12 PM Infinite-one says:

I know I could never hate you for anything.

May. 5, 2008 | 6:14 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I know you couldn't, I love you for that. You are one of the few people I am perfectly ok to talk to about anything. One of the most from them actually.

May. 5, 2008 | 6:34 PM Infinite-one says:

You.....love me?

Aww, thanks.

May. 5, 2008 | 6:49 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I love you as a friend, I love you a lot as a friend, but I am not sure about love in the other way or not, it is still new to me and everything. Maybe, maybe not, I won't say yes or no though you understand.

May. 5, 2008 | 7:09 PM Icecry0 says:

Yes, but keep it a secret until further notice.

;)

May. 5, 2008 | 7:13 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I wish I kept it a secret off-line for longer, and came out better than I did.

May. 5, 2008 | 7:11 PM Infinite-one says:

Yes, I understand.

May. 5, 2008 | 7:14 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Good. Though you shouldn't give up hope if you have any for it ; )

May. 5, 2008 | 7:11 PM Eddie says:

Yet, you still use the insult: "Faggot".

May. 5, 2008 | 7:15 PM Ragnarokia responds:

It is the BBS and I have grown to use the word, I shouldn't need to stop using it really, I never mean it in an insulting against gays way anyway.

May. 5, 2008 | 7:12 PM djmrules says:

It is really good you accept the fact that you are gay. I've had feelings along these lines also. My girlfriend and I recently broke up and it made me think how I really am.I'm not sure if I'm straight or gay or even the between. It's probably the biggest and worst struggle I've had trying to figure this out. I know that makes no sense, but it's nice to know someone had a few of the same problems I've had.

Also sorry for writing half a page on your userpage. Guess it's just me venting.

May. 5, 2008 | 7:16 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I am ok with people writing a lot if there is a good reason behind it. I hope you find what you are in the end.

May. 5, 2008 | 7:45 PM UndeadAtheist says:

I'm not gay, but I support you.

May. 5, 2008 | 7:52 PM Ragnarokia responds:

thanks.

May. 5, 2008 | 8:30 PM djmrules says:

IT"s nice to know there are actually people who care on here. Thanks for the support.

May. 5, 2008 | 8:43 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I know, people on here are generally nice people and are open minded. Also you are welcome you supported me as well.

May. 5, 2008 | 11:25 PM jobbob1 says:

i dont see anything wrong with being gay. i find it wierd, a lot of people i know are like 'lesbians? alright! thats awesome!' but then they go and bash gay guys, and i think to myself 'we're all gay, its just a matter of how much so you are.' i consider myself bi as a matter of fact. so go on and live your life how you want. most of the time what other people say doesnt reallymatter in the long run.

May. 6, 2008 | 1:26 AM Ragnarokia responds:

On here I might still come out as insulting people saying they are gay and things but I do not mean it all literally it is just how I have posted so far and more likely as I will continue, but I don't do anything like that off-line though, not that I have a change to. Thank you anyway for that.

May. 6, 2008 | 11:28 AM doberman7 says:

Hawt.

May. 6, 2008 | 1:40 PM Ragnarokia responds:

: 3

May. 6, 2008 | 1:27 PM Sawdust says:

That's another gay British BBS Regular. Who's next? Doberman7? But anyway, just make sure you keep it a secret. but I support you anyways, I hate it when people go into emotional breakdowns.

May. 6, 2008 | 1:49 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Sadly I am in a very large break down at the moment. But still thank you for seeing it well, I wish those in real life were as good as you people.

May. 6, 2008 | 1:43 PM Racoonmario says:

I heard it´s okay to use the word "Faggot" if you´re gay.
Cheer up.

May. 6, 2008 | 1:50 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I use it anyway, never in the term of insulting gays but I just find it sounds good as a word unlike using other swear words.

May. 6, 2008 | 1:51 PM Reapertonn says:

There's nothing wrong with being gay,I'm sure there are more users like you who are just scared to admit it.I,myself,am not gay,but I support you,because I don't believe homosexuals deserve less than heterosexuals.

May. 6, 2008 | 2:00 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I don't see why people would hate people like me anyway, there is no reason at all, it just came from old hatreds and apparently was seen as bad in the bible that has caused religions to hate us and then others just hate us anyway for reasons that don't even make sense. For me I would not be alive now if it was not for this and so I don't see how it could be seen as bad if it let me hang on to life for having a reason to live, as all my other reasons are lost.

May. 6, 2008 | 3:51 PM DrClay says:

Good luck with life then (tips hat)

May. 6, 2008 | 4:47 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Thank you kind Sir.

May. 6, 2008 | 4:09 PM Lorkas says:

(10.74 per day)

May. 6, 2008 | 4:48 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Indeed it is, however a Yaoi thread being destroyed made me and other good users get a mighty 7 day ban. So this will go down, but then back up.

May. 6, 2008 | 4:15 PM solardave says:

Your'e homosexual. Your'e gay. Personally while maybe Newgrounds think it is stupid the outside world shouldn't find it strange anymore. Unless your friends and family are against it I wouldn't be worried. Actually screw them, it may hurt them but it is who you are. I feel a bit of a hypocrite giving advice over the internet which I am sure people much closer have given you but I hope it helps. You also say "I still do not see why it happened due to being brought up against it". Maybe that is why. You are different. Like religious parents sometimes have horrible children. I'm not saying you want attention but it is strange how family relationships and mindsets change people. My parents aren't saints and aren't quiet either while I am not a saint I am quiet. I am pretty much the opposite of my father.

Hope your new found freedom ( that sounds stupid, nevermind) goes well.

May. 6, 2008 | 4:51 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Thabks for that. The being brought up was not byu religion etc. but how I went though school in a small village that didnt have anything gay in it and none of my friends were or anything, I was brought up to like women though shows and things and eventually due to this I couldn't see wh yit was me who turned out gay, I thought I was wrong about it, but now I accept it and I am ok with it.

May. 6, 2008 | 6:10 PM Ragnarokia says:

Ban for posting Yaoi with other good users for 7 days. Harsh yet worth it.

May. 7, 2008 | 10:15 PM Eggys says:

I added you on MSN.

May. 8, 2008 | 10:18 AM Ragnarokia responds:

cool, I am kind of boring though, to shy really.

May. 8, 2008 | 5:56 AM Kuro says:

Oh, is that it?

Well, it's okay to be gay.

That's a more effective sentence because of the rhyming.

Have fun with that.

Be glad you're not a paedophile.

May. 8, 2008 | 10:19 AM Ragnarokia responds:

Yes Indeed.

It is ok to be gay.

I didn't notice any rhyming.

Thank you.

Does loli count ; )

May. 8, 2008 | 5:48 PM SardonicSamurai says:

To be honest, I'm not all that surprised. Then again, I've got several great RL friends that are gay. There's nothing wrong with being gay; don't let anyone else tell you different. It's your body, your life, and your choice. Do with yourself whatever you wish. No one has any right to tell you what's right or wrong in the matter.

Also, I'd consider you more "Bi" then "Gay". You talked a lot about girls and shit too, unless that was a cover up :D

May. 8, 2008 | 6:43 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Yea you got all of that right, I am planning on going to a college next year starting fresh and those places are more acceptant anyway, also none or few would know which will make getting in easier.

hahaha, yea PalTalk, it was only recently that I realised I was gay, I lost all interest in girls a while ago, now I might kiss and hug one, but nothing further, probably wouldn't even do that. Sadly I came to grips now compared to after getting any luck with Val : (
Hey I still have Sam hehehe.

Also yea, I did post on your area to get one back from you : (

May. 9, 2008 | 1:33 PM Mechabloby says:

People who hate you for who you are are just pathetic. It's okay to be queer and you don't have to be stereotypical with it, either. I'm a quiet person as well and it's good to hear that you have found confidence in telling people already about your sexuality.

Opened up to your parents yet?

May. 9, 2008 | 5:29 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Still I wish I kept it in for longer, school really is not a mature place, I am planning on going to a college in september and there like you said people are more mature, also many more people have came out.
People who have abused and hated me for this are pathetic and it is good to know I am getting away from them.

also yes, not as planned but I did eventually let my Mother know I was gay, it was hard but it got there, thanks for keeping with me on that.

May. 10, 2008 | 12:51 AM Kuro says:

"Does loli count ; )"

Are you implying that you're... Not entirely gay?

AND a paedophile?

May. 10, 2008 | 5:40 AM Ragnarokia responds:

I forgot what the male loli was called, and you will never know...
No seriously not a paedophile but I do like male loli, I dont do anything with it though in that sense, I just look at it for cuteness.

May. 10, 2008 | 2:06 AM Tyrant12 says:

It's been a while, we all go through shit every once in a while and I hope you end up feeling better. Also the gay thing? I kinda assumed that from previous news post but I could care less if you were or not.

Try to stay positive, I've had the worst week but I just blow off the annoying crap and don't let it bother me. Also I hope you don't feel I ignore you on MSN, I never talk to anyone over MSN so don't take it personally.

May. 10, 2008 | 6:03 AM Ragnarokia responds:

Ah ok then, but don't worry I don't talk much myself and most of my MSN contacts are never even clicked. If you ever wanted to talk you could but I will probably still be quiet like normal : (

May. 13, 2008 | 4:27 AM Tea says:

Needs more nudity.

May. 13, 2008 | 4:47 AM Ragnarokia responds:

I like it as it is.

May. 13, 2008 | 4:28 AM Tea says:

Also, male loli = Shota.

May. 13, 2008 | 4:47 AM Ragnarokia responds:

yea thats the one.

May. 15, 2008 | 1:29 PM Mechabloby says:

hehe ^^

May. 15, 2008 | 3:13 PM Ragnarokia responds:

hehe ^^

May. 15, 2008 | 4:25 PM greyshadowskyknight says:

well at least one things clear and dont worry...we dont mind you being gay at all, i dont see a reason why any of us would leave you, afterall your still the same person just have a different preference thats all.

May. 16, 2008 | 3:44 AM Ragnarokia responds:

I think I have changed since I found it out but I still am the same as a whole and you are right if only others would accept it, but I decided to screw those who didn't I can't be botherd to have them pull down my life anymore.

May. 15, 2008 | 11:27 PM Infinite-one says:

Hello again. How are you feeling?

May. 16, 2008 | 3:45 AM Ragnarokia responds:

Tired at the moment. but overall happy.

May. 16, 2008 | 8:28 AM Ragnarokia says:

Ok 7 days + 3 days + 3 days bans in sequence, I think I will delay the spamming for the time being for my birthday and things I guess I can do that for a few weeks.

May. 16, 2008 | 11:18 AM Sawdust says:

You need to be more obvious to avoid bans from idiot mods/

May. 16, 2008 | 11:24 AM Ragnarokia responds:

I know that is my downfall.

May. 16, 2008 | 4:17 PM Infinite-one says:

That's good to know.

May. 17, 2008 | 2:45 AM Ragnarokia responds:

Good to know you find it good to know ; )

May. 17, 2008 | 7:51 AM Mechabloby says:

can't wait until half term, hehe

May. 17, 2008 | 11:00 AM Ragnarokia responds:

can't wait until half term, hehe <3

May. 19, 2008 | 8:14 AM Lost-Wisdom says:

Good for you! I hope everything goes alright in the end. As always, don't give up.

May. 19, 2008 | 8:42 AM Ragnarokia responds:

I hope everything goes well to.

May. 19, 2008 | 11:19 AM ngmastah says:

z0mg sinnar u will go 2 hell ololo

Haha, just kidding, anyways, I don't mind what you like to be, I'm sure it won't affect anyone anyways, so whats the harm?

May. 19, 2008 | 4:35 PM Ragnarokia responds:

People who see it is 'wrong.'

May. 20, 2008 | 6:37 PM Cericon says:

I see you like .Hack quite alot. I like it alot too.

May. 20, 2008 | 6:53 PM Ragnarokia responds:

.hack//SIGN is my favourite anime and Iam playing the first 4 games soon as I just finished getting them. I also have the Twilight Manga to read which I have, and then will get the Twilight anime and GU games and the other Manga etc. I like it to much but screw it I chose to.
Also Tsukasa is the greatest character of anything I have seen.

May. 21, 2008 | 10:51 AM Some-Stupid-Idiot says:

I figured as much. It really wasn't that hard to find out. I knew the day I saw you on NG.

May. 21, 2008 | 3:08 PM Ragnarokia responds:

hehe I probably was obvious.

May. 21, 2008 | 12:21 PM Adio says:

The .Hack GU Games are fucking epic.

May. 21, 2008 | 3:09 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I will make sure to play them soon then.

May. 21, 2008 | 2:45 PM Mechabloby says:

FUCK U BUDDY
~ betty

May. 21, 2008 | 3:09 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I would delete the comment but not as it is Mecha <3

May. 21, 2008 | 3:51 PM Some-Stupid-Idiot says:

Well Yeah. In every single one of your News Post was a Yaoi picture. Most people wouldn't do that continuously.

May. 21, 2008 | 3:58 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Now come on not every post eas, infact a small amount were at the time. Lately more so but a while ago there was still very little Yaoi posting. The news posts actually gave it away before I realised with the Kuja one before I even had thoughts of being gay.

May. 21, 2008 | 7:10 PM whatty says:

I was calling you gay on Paltalk. I hadn't read this news post. If I had I wouldn't have called you gay.

I know you won't mind, but I apologise all the same.

From what I hear, these are great times to be gay.

May. 22, 2008 | 12:33 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Hey everyone calls people gay it just so happens to be that I am. Faggot.

May. 22, 2008 | 2:00 PM Mechabloby says:

I swear, I get away with blue murder. In fact, let us both commit blue murder and see who gets away with it! :D
<3

May. 22, 2008 | 4:10 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I prefer green murder, it is good for the environment and you can hide the body well, also less sentence time for helping the planet.
<3

May. 22, 2008 | 2:03 PM Sawdust says:

Haha, all this drama happened on paltalk. I won't be bothered to copy pasta for you. Haha, that was fucking hilarious.

May. 22, 2008 | 5:13 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Late bird misses the tasty worm.

May. 22, 2008 | 6:57 PM Lost-Wisdom says:

Being open is okay, I prefer everyone to be equal to one another, no matter what they are into.

May. 22, 2008 | 7:13 PM Ragnarokia responds:

That is good.

May. 24, 2008 | 10:23 AM valium9 says:

I saw that one coming

Congratulations!

May. 24, 2008 | 10:41 AM Ragnarokia responds:

Why thank you.

May. 24, 2008 | 7:39 PM killingrang says:

the reason for me being on your page is that i have noticed on the forms you seem to act imature and post comment that just seem out of place and usless. so out of pure curiosity i visited your page exspecing some young wierd member who is addicted to anime. but you saprised me to somone who seems to be mature and is strugaling with life. i do not know why you seem to be taking out your anger and frustration on this site and its users (if of course that is what you are doing. please correct me if i'm wrong) but i hope you find peace with yourself. your gay, so what? if that is what you are then so be it, there is no point fighting as this will only cause pain. just make sure it is just a phase that you are going through due to mental instabilty. no point embaressing yourself. newgrounds is probly not the best place to say this as it is populated by alot of idiot. as i allready said i hope you find peace with yourself and hope life inproves for you. i'm am deeply sorry if a made fulse jugments on you and i am sorry for misconseption i have made about you writing this. i only had limited infomation about you in which to i could use. just don't seperate yourself with your family if you love them because of you sexuality. its one of the worst things you can do to youself and to them. and remember that anything anyone can say to you are just words, nothing more. and never keep emotions to youself, smeak freely with friends and family. i hope some of this advice helps.

killingrang

May. 24, 2008 | 7:56 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I post well most of the time but sometimes I post immature if I need to. I don't take anything out on Newgrounds and its users as I am not like that, I can't go against anyone and only seek to go against myself whhich only adds to it. I mention my mental problems to a small extent as it got me to be able to talk to people who could help. I usually find that people on my user page who bother to go here usually seem to have some decency otherwise I get rid of them anyway. Lately I have been getting in bad moods that have caused me to post badly etc. as I can barely control myself and in many cases can't. The reason why I take it as a bad thing is due t oin real life me being thrown down and destroyed further for it. I have not even seen you before fro mwhat I can recall so you shouldn't feel a need to appologise for anything.

May. 25, 2008 | 5:50 AM Sawdust says:

Post about your first date. At least make a new news post.

May. 29, 2008 | 2:35 PM Ragnarokia responds:

it was longer than a date really haha, anyway yea I am going to.

May. 25, 2008 | 9:04 AM The-evil-bucket says:

Sexual orientation is like skin color. You can't control it.

May. 29, 2008 | 2:35 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I chose to be blue.

May. 25, 2008 | 8:40 PM Eggys says:

YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST

May. 29, 2008 | 2:37 PM Ragnarokia responds:

SCORE

May. 27, 2008 | 7:20 AM FamilyGuy05 says:

Ok........................That picture was not needed.

May. 29, 2008 | 2:38 PM Ragnarokia responds:

So is spamming my profile....................But I like my picture.

May. 28, 2008 | 8:31 PM joabos says:

relax, no one hates you.

May. 29, 2008 | 2:39 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Many do actually, just none that I care about.

May. 28, 2008 | 8:42 PM Maverick-Alex says:

Wow, just wow, to post it here on NG... you must have nerves of steel...

You have my respect

May. 29, 2008 | 2:45 PM Ragnarokia responds:

Yay respect.

May. 28, 2008 | 9:01 PM weirDfunK says:

I feel you man. I think i may be bi, but (at least judging by your profile) were both 16 so were going through a very fucked up and confusing time in our lives man just gotta find out what suits you i guess.
Much love,
weirdfunk <3

May. 29, 2008 | 2:45 PM Ragnarokia responds:

I hope you are not coming on to me I have a boyfriend.....